Saturday, March 17, 2012

Fly on the wall - Cricket

Sachin Tendulkar scored his 100th century in international cricket.
Aishwarya Rai and Abhishek Bachchan announce the name for their newborn.
Shahrukh and Aamir to clash on the box office later this year.
Oprah Winfrey says she was misquoted about India.

And in other news, there was something called budget happening in India.  
Oh, and also India lost that match.

That's the order in which the "important" news is presented to the world.  I am not at all going to dwell on why the budget news is so low in that order.

Let's talk about Sachin like everyone else is.  And why not?  India loves Sachin.  Sachin sells.  You need to write about him, you need to talk about him.  Whether you criticize him, garland him, mention his new hairstyle or write about his diet, everyone wants a piece of him.  Sachin means big business to anyone who has anything to do with Cricket - administrators, media, team management, TV viewers, spectators, sponsors, you name it.

Anyway enough about Sachin.  Let’s see what’s going on with the rest of the Indian “cricket fraternity”.  Recently I happened to be a fly on the wall in a room where some current and ex cricketers were mingling.  Following is what transpired:

Ravi Shastri:  Sachin, the pitch looks good; the crowd is buzzing with anticipation.  What are your thoughts about this day?

Sachin: Ravi, why are you talking like we are in a cricket match?  Just try to relax and play for the country like I do.  Follow your dreams and you will win the world cup.

Ravi Shastri: Uh uh!  I was too much in my commentator character.

Sourav Ganguly: Hello boys!  What's cooking?  Fish and rice?  Wanna join me on bangla crorepati show that no one watches?

Sehwag: Hello skipper!  How do you do?  Want some milk?  Btw, I was recently dropped just like you were: 5 years after your expiry date.

MS Dhoni (to himself): I won the T20 world cup, ODI world cup, IPL and every other freaking tournament there is.  And they still call him the skipper.

Ravi Shastri: In the air...... and taken.  This is a big blow.  Tremendous cricket.

Sunil Gavaskar: Sachin, Sachin, Sachin.

Ravindra Jadeja (to himself): What am I doing among all these cricket people?  Oh, yes, I keep forgetting.  I too am a cricketer.  Dhoni told me.  I must try to remember especially when they give me those weird looking round things to throw or those long wooden things to hit those round things with.  Never got the idea behind that.

Kohli: Tum sabki maa ki #$%^, tum sab ki bahen ki $%^&

Gambhir:  Our new vice-captain is full of vice.  When I was vice-captain, I just use to swear at Pakistanis.

MS Dhoni: But you couldn’t even score a 100 in the World Cup final.  Just scored 90 odd, what a loser!

Kapil Dev: Guys, let’s take it easy.  Boost is the secret of my energy.  And also... Palmolive da jawaab nahin!

Sachin: No no... It’s Gillette

Azharuddin: Chhote pahle daadi to uga le.

Kumble: I want to learn spin bowling.  Maybe, I will go to Venkatesh Prasad.  His googlies to Aamir Sohail were really successful.

And so this peaceful and meaningful discourse continued through the night.