Friday, March 23, 2012

Fly on the wall - Corporate Meeting

Today I had the opportunity to be a fly on the wall of a corporate meeting.  Alright alright, I was actually a part of that meeting.  This is how it went:

Person 1: Thanks everyone for coming.  I called this meeting so that we could get together and get on the same page about this new effort we are starting up called "Specific Customer Reporting for Erroneous Workloads" (SCREW).  We will be using this mechanism in future to notify customers about minor errors that might have crept into their portfolios.
Read: (Fellas, regulation requires that we need to let customers know when we have screwed them)

Person 2: SCREW is a great idea.  We need someone to drive this idea and take it forward, do the right things that are aligned with the strategy of the company and also ensure that all stakeholders are involved.
Read: (OK, I needed to say something in this meeting,  There it is.  I am done now)

Person 3: Absolutely! There needs to be positive energy and a momentum behind this thing.  It seems Person 4 is the right kind of guy to do something like this.  He possesses the correct skills and a passion for this space.  He also seems to have time on his hands these days since his current project is wrapping up.
Read: (There is no way in this world I am going to do SCREW.  I'll let person 4 get SCREWed and at the same time I will undermine his current work.  It's performance review time after all.)

Person 1: That's what I had in mind too.  If Person 4 can bring the major decisions to a closure and find cross-group integration and collaboration going on, we would add a lot of customer value with this puppy.  It might be challenging but would also be extremely fulfilling and rewarding from a career perspective.
Read: (Yes, we have almost decided that Person 4 will be screwed with SCREW.  We just need to make sure that he sees this as a wonderful opportunity and not as a shit-hole it really is)

Person 4: I think that fits nicely with my career goals and ambitions.  I'd do it happily.
Read: (You f#$%ing losers.  I have already made up my mind to leave this shit-hole company.  Give me another new project and I will happily SCREW it before I leave)

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